The Donald Has Never Learned How to Deal with No


As a longtime CEO and TV reality star boss with the infamous tagline “you’re fired,”
      the Donald has not had much experience being told no.
Trump hates losing in court and is already determined to flip the judicial chess
      board over and break all its pieces.
The Donald also has little history of admitting personal faults, and has long blamed
      Martian interference for his Atlantic City casinos going bankrupt.
Someone told Trump the press is sometimes called the Fourth Estate and he took that
      to mean: treat reporters like an enemy camp.
The new president has an Executive Order ready to sign that forces grassroots Americans
      to stop penning protest signs and reserve limited elbow energies for applause.
He is waiting in the Oval Office for FedEx to deliver Hallmark thank-you cards
      from Muslim parents of child war refugees held overnight in airport jails.
The Donald knows deep in his heart he would have won the popular vote if three million
      dead had not arisen from their graves to vote for Hillary Clinton.
Trump spent years building a fortune because he learned young that a big bank account
      is helpful to win wide renown as a sexual groper and pathological liar.
When he tells Russian prostitutes he wants to buy a golden shower, he expects
      their pee to come out in non-videotaped 96-carat gold.
When he says he will be the best jobs-creating president God ever created,
      the Donald believes God will agree to appear on Fox News to confirm.
Trump borrowed from Nixon and vowed to be a Law and Order president, then borrowed
      from Nixon again and exempted his own team from the law.
When he condemns a judge’s differing interpretation of the Constitution, he expects
      American publishers to rush a million copies to print of Trump’s Constitution.
Publishers, note that Trump’s Constitution should be printed on one full page or less,
      with no more than five bulleted highlight points.
After tough military campaign talk and early bombs dropped on women and kids, Donald
      regrets having had to get five draft deferments because of a swollen foot.
Feeling guilty for his inability to help defend Custer at Little Bighorn, Trump is
      expediting the Dakota Access Pipeline through sacred Sioux water and land.
The Donald knows that he would have won the popular vote if six million Jews killed in
      the Holocaust had not arisen from their graves to vote for Hillary Clinton.
That’s why Trump refused to include the word, “Jews,” in his commemoration of
      Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Donald thinks climate change was invented by Chinese comedians and will be forgotten
      if he just refuses to laugh at any satire from Beijing Improv to Saturday Night Live.
To respect his narrowing attention span, Trump is sure federal judges will okay his decree
      that all future U.S. novels be written on Twitter in 140 characters or less.
The president has asked his counselor, Kellyanne Conway, to record her nightly dreams,
      trusting many of them can later be cited as alternate facts.
Trump has promised to awaken Frederick Douglass and Ben Carson from their deep sleeps
      to help him celebrate his new Education and Environmental Destruction Ministers.
The Donald believes he would have won the popular vote if 10 million Africans
      who died from the Atlantic slave trade had not arisen to vote against him.
After winning the election, his skull became so confident in its communication skills, it evicted
      his brain and is running on fumes of burning tax records and skyrocketing rents.
With Repubs holding both houses of Congress, it will take sustainable progressive energy
      to slow Trump’s frantic march to disable the pulse of the planet.

                        Eliot Katz 2/17